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| My daughter, Maddie (Right), and her friend, Brittney, on Graduation Day |
"You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy
who'll decide where to go."
Oh The Places You'll Go! - by Dr. Seuss
There are times in our lives when we get to (or have to) redefine ourselves; Rights of passages like graduation from high school or college where we get a chance to enter a new world and are filled with anticipation for what lies ahead. However, sometimes the change is not welcomed, but rather forced upon us. Perhaps the change is due to a lay-off, a growing family, a divorce or even the death of a child or a spouse. These are the times where change, although inevitable, is greeted with anxiety and fear.
When my husband died I was told by a grief counselor that I would become someone new. I would not be the same person I was before Jon died. I did not think of this as a good thing. I was comfortable with who I was. I didn't want to change. In fact, I hated the thought that I would change no matter what I wanted.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy
who'll decide where to go."
Oh The Places You'll Go! - by Dr. Seuss
There are times in our lives when we get to (or have to) redefine ourselves; Rights of passages like graduation from high school or college where we get a chance to enter a new world and are filled with anticipation for what lies ahead. However, sometimes the change is not welcomed, but rather forced upon us. Perhaps the change is due to a lay-off, a growing family, a divorce or even the death of a child or a spouse. These are the times where change, although inevitable, is greeted with anxiety and fear.
When my husband died I was told by a grief counselor that I would become someone new. I would not be the same person I was before Jon died. I did not think of this as a good thing. I was comfortable with who I was. I didn't want to change. In fact, I hated the thought that I would change no matter what I wanted.
The reality was that my life could not be the same because a part of me died that day, too. The interesting thing is that I am usually the person who likes change. I have changed careers (not just jobs) more than I can even count. I changed roommates (and rooms) during my young adult years about 13 times. And never once did I view it as a bad thing. Instead, I thought of it as "getting to remake myself." Or getting a fresh start! It was all sort of an adventure. I could learn from the mistakes of the past and take my "better self" into my future.
"You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose. - Dr. Seuss
This time was different, because although I would be the person choosing who I was to become, I didn't want this change. My life was spinning out of control and I felt somewhat like a teenager again; Trying on different persona's to see which one felt right. I spent a lot of time just looking for fun. Not harmful fun, but something that would lighten the moment. Something that would make changing more palatable. Interestingly, as I tried new things, I realized that I WAS beginning to change.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose. - Dr. Seuss
This time was different, because although I would be the person choosing who I was to become, I didn't want this change. My life was spinning out of control and I felt somewhat like a teenager again; Trying on different persona's to see which one felt right. I spent a lot of time just looking for fun. Not harmful fun, but something that would lighten the moment. Something that would make changing more palatable. Interestingly, as I tried new things, I realized that I WAS beginning to change.
In my pre-widowed state, I was content to spend the rest of my life just drinking a nice glass of wine on the porch each night, taking long walks with my husband and planning my weekly dinner out with friends or family. But as a widow I began to discover new things about myself. I no longer wanted to spend my free time watching the news or hanging around the house. I discovered that my joy of exercise translated into a need to be active. Though I am definitely not athletic, I tried a few sports including kickball (that I quit because I was bringing down my team) and running (that I had a love-hate relationship with) and even tennis. I have to say that after just 2 years of trying things I have found 2 things that I really enjoy - cycling and tennis. I'm not great at either, but I have so much fun "working at it."
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| Image courtesy of twobee / freedigitalphotos.net |
So as it turns out, my counselor was right - I am no longer the person I was 2 years ago. I want to encourage you to look at the unwelcome changes in your life and instead of refusing to change, begin to embrace the change. Think of it as an opportunity to find new things within yourself that you never knew were there!
You're off the Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way! - Dr. Seuss
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